Rings Of Repercussions

Signed in to blog, but suddenly lost the vibe. Thankfully I remembered that I had some interesting stuff to blog about.

Topic of the Day: My parents have actually visited my blog before! Now, I'm not sure how good or bad this is, but heck, no harm done. Just as long as the vie privée isnt disturbed. :)

Some revelations were made today. Concerning many sides, with me involved of course. A few for the family, and others for the friends. Its a wonder how secrets stay secrets for such long periods of time, yet when they spill out after a lengthy lapsed, emotions are somewhat stable, while the mind can think much more passionately and rationally.

I'm taking off tomorrow. Having an outing with some friends. Hoping it will be a fun one.

I'll end here. Much to talk about, but not in the blogosphere at the moment.
Au revoir
2.49AM

Late

Was just about to start this post due to boredom late at night when I became engrossed in a game. Time was 2.42am, auspicious with a stark random numeral.

Its late and yet I cant find myself to get to bed. Just finished a movie (Sherlock Holmes) less than half an hour ago. I wouldnt call it great, but a good movie indeed. I find myself so inclined to speaking perfect British English all of a sudden due to the thick slang from the film. Funny how a show can change behaviour and perception.

I've been thinking alot quite lately. Among others, the cold shoulders which I have gotten over the past months and years. It is pretty PATHETIC to think one could be so harsh as to totally close the door one a person from ever communicating with him or her ever again. I know how it feels to be at the receiving end of such things, but one might wonder, have I myself ever done it? In short, I admit to being within touching distance, of being such an asshole. But no, I stopped short of it. Been there, done that, felt that, not gonna duplicate it.

While typing all that (and gaming at the end), I couldnt help but think of those who have acted as such. The question is, why? Attitude, I believe, has something to do with it. Mine, firstly. Theirs, second. I do think I'm adopting a ruthless, unashamed approach to all that I do, and I believe this has caused some cracks within the bonds of friendships I strive to make and keep intact. Oh well, one can never please them all.

Gaming, albeit not till the fanatical stage, has replaced my customary and common worries-of-the-day timeslot. I guess its a very comfortable outlet for me. Has always been, might always will be. Music still shares some of it. Singing in the shower, thats a whole other story. Blah blah blah, Aaron's being theoretical.

I just found out not too long ago that there will be another camp for my Confirmation class. Ironic thing is, its talked about to be more of a vacation than anything else. Not much details I know, but I sure hope I am going. If not...*dots*

Its been awhile since I had a picture on the blog. I'm gonna find a random one from my collection and post it up, just for the fun of it.

Well now, this is the envelope which contained my first ever salary. How much was inside, is only for me to know. :)

Oh by the way, I taught Alastair about chess today. He seemed eager at first, but I think my lessons arent as enjoyable as he might have thought. Sure hope he enjoys the game overall in the end.

Best to be off. A game awaits.
3.20AM

Reluctance.

Its been quite a few times where I've hit the "New Post" button only to realise I wasnt in a blogging mood. Something's definitely up with my noggin. Oh well.

Work, Facebook and gaming has hogged up most of my online time these days. Gone were the days of constant info-hunting and searching for chess knowledge. Its all in the distant but not too shrouded past.

Speaking of chess, I've been invited (and confirmed quite awhile ago too) that I'll be my 'former' school's chess coach. It feels me with pride and joy getting back to school and doing what I had enjoyed doing. I wasnt particularly the BEST player in the school at any one time, but I gave it my shot and was among the team which went on to 2nd place 2 years straight. My best finish was 6th in the district anyways, although some form and luck had its hand in that.

Truthfully, I'm both disappointed and guilty about chess at the moment. One being my 2 brothers in high school do not have the same interest in it as I did, and the latter being my failure to teach my 3rd brother (the youngest, 8 years of age) to play just a few hours ago. I got too caught up online and used the excuse of not having a board so I didnt have to play with him. Kinda felt the guilt in there, as he was so pumped up to learn. Thinking back now, he resembled my own SELF when I first learned to play as well: eager, yearning, and confident. I promise to make it up to him.....

OH, and I'm one guy who is so easily distracted from what I'm suppose to do. Take blogging for instance. The time for me to finish the last paragraph and start this one can range up to 30mins if I'm not careful. Weirdo in the making ^^

Work has been...bittersweet. I dare not say anymore than that really. I'm just trying to get past the trials which plagued me. Sometimes I feel like giving up, like there's nothing better than going back to the days of sleep and days of no commitment. Its laziness talking, but I stumble so much and dislike the feeling to the extent I hallucinate a better (and definitely more comfortable) possibility. Blah blah blah Aaron is lazy.....

I best end here. Distractions are in abundance, namely game forum and music. Tomorrow is a new day.
Au revoir
2.48AM

Midday Blues

Blogging during midday doesnt really bring out great words from me. I feel there's no 'shadow' during the day which I can hide in and pen my thoughts. The house is quiet, many arent at home. The online world is definitely in its own slumber. So it figures, boredom crept into me and here I am on the blog.

Had a lousy morning, woke up late (as usual) and couldnt get some work things done. Got pissed off at both the task and myself (less of myself, duh). WTH I'm screwing up my morning just thinking bout it. Moving on...

Its February. One year ago this month I was having a month of refreshing vibes. Here I am now with a testimony that one year, I'm no where near that breaking point. Although I am still the same in status-wise, lessons have been learnt.

Valentines Day is approaching. I've been throough 17 of those already. No difference noticed. Will this years' be the same? Very possible. Not gonna lie here, everyone wishes to have a valentine. Its almost like a must-have for such a day. Yet, a thought is lingering over me to what someone like me should be doing on such a day. Stay home as always? Or just whack out for a party with fellow buds.

Damn, my day just went from bad to worst. Something came up. Off I go.

Au revoir.
1.00PM

Dull

Havent really been in the blogging mood lately. Must be my constant late nights. Totally driving me to tiring days, but I'm as stubborn as ever I guess.

My bro Ashley had his 15th birthday on the 29th. Happy birthday bro! Went to Aeon today and we bought Supreme Commander, one of the top games of 2008 and with one of the highest graphic requirement of the current time. Sweet to the eyes. Cleaned up my PC table just for the occasion of a new game, which Ash and I both spent cash on (but theoretically his now, since I got it for him as a gift). So far, it looks and feels great. Will continue to test it out once we're both free to play it together. Talk about brotherly love eh? :D

Having a small family get-together tomorrow for his birthday. Oh, and did I mention he sang at Greenbox on Friday with his school friends? Now THATS shocking for me to hear from good ol' shyboy Ash. Hehe.

Tuesday's the day Dad will be giving a seminar/training on financial planning at the new office. Already sent out my invites to those who were interested in it. If anyone else wanna know the details of it, contact me directly alright.

Ending here. Late, tired, sleepy. Which means I should be gaming. LOL
Au revoir
2.39AM

Ticking Of The Tock, One Regret Too Many

12.28AM, 28th of January, 2010. Aaron received his first ever official paycheque! Yay! But some of it has to go to paying back some loans I had taken. Heh oh well.

Had a really nice time at karaoke session at Aeon today. I sang so many songs which I love, and I was happy with the way I sang them too. Music seems to be such a passion for me these days. Singing along to almost any sweet song I hear, trying to pick out the words and lyrics, while feeling the soothing glances each melody holds. Its no wonder I tend to like ballads and sentimental music so much more than other genres. Almost 6 hours of songs have given me an outlook at singing. Its time for a new resolution...soon :)

I'm one sickening person I tell you (whoever you are). No matter what goes on in my ever-thinking head, I still find ways to regret my actions. I'M SO ANNOYED BY MY OWN NAIVETY. Phew, there, I said it. No use rambling on with more words. Aaron's annoyed, blah blah blah.

Ending here. Wasnt really in a blogging mood, but just updated for the heck of it.
Au revoir
1.37AM

Something Stupid, Something Right

Somehow, something stirred within me just a few minutes ago. A past which I thought I had left behind, but it has surfaced time and time again. In short, someone special whom I had much feelings for, yet never went far with anything. Naivety has been such a shackle, but not as much as this instance.

Shall I begin?

It was years ago, around five to be exact. Just knowing she existed had made such an impact on me, albeit a negative one. Yet not knowing who she was for real, was a downfall I would live to regret. Time passed, mistakes were dreadfully made. The mind is clearly stronger than the heart at my tender age. Two whole years passed without a glimmer. But somehow, fate had wrung me somewhere the year after.

It was back at the beginning again, but this time, I stoked the courage to be bold, to be a man for once. And so I knew her. Knowing by name is never merely enough, as I peaked at curiosity towards someone, so different from the others, someone who could catch me in a trance out of nowhere. She was the first of everyone, I remember now, to have known I write poetry. She liked what I could write, yet I burdened myself to always write more to please her, often failing due to stressed out writing (which till now, has never worked out for me). Little did she know, many of my past works were dedicated to her, most of my unnamed titles had her in mind. I was at that point, of almost delving into popping the question, to ask her for a day. But we never met, not at all, at this point. The nearest to this, was an event which I was fooled into folly to a dare which went awry. Regrets once again.

Yet, it passed. So sudden, and in a pretext, so tragic. As dramatic as it seems, it clearly was not.

Another whole year passed. On occasions, we would bump into one another. But during these trying times, I had other flames which were either quickly diminished, or just blown away by fate. Little did I know what would transpire after so much heartache.

Somehow, we have some contact, some weird moments I guess. We almost drew closer to the times we had a couple of years ago. Me having an injury further lamented my need to have someone as sweet as her to be a company, even my technological means. It seems I never left that comfort zone I always had with her, even after these years. But this time, I had the guts to be the man I was never before.

Chalking up courage, and with words ever trembling but purposeful, I told her what she once meant to me. As my heart skipped many beats, I didnt know what to expect. We had only briefly made contact after so long, yet the ease I had talking with her was so meaningful, so enchanting to me. I was in dire times, with an injury prohibiting any physical actions. Yet, I remembered a promise I made to her, in the younger times of naive liking, that I would tell her something important. I had lied before, some time ago, but I was gonna make amends once and for all. So yes, I told her a secret which had been lying in my life for such long a time. What she said next, was unexpected, but seemingly unharmful. As always, my jelly-heart had been beating twice as fast, but her words were so precise, I reckoned it was time I gave a chance I never took.

We went out alone only once, even then under watchful eyes of her colleagues. I had lied a whole lot just to be out on that day, since it was against many family rules of the time. I can say, we had a good time, just me and her, but we only treated it as a friendly outing, nothing more...

Or did we? I do not know. Yet all I know is, there was no spark in me. No trigger to replenish old energies lost in the course of time. Somehow, that embarrassment I had for myself made me not keep in touch, and we lost each other again.

As I recollect my senses over all this times, I can only remember, on one such thing that could have deprived me of more time to spend with her: A sin conceived in those early years of teenhood. The biggest regret of my life was entangled in me in such a way, that I could not be with the love of my life. Yes, that is what I can refer to as. Try as I may, there is no one else like her, no matter how hard I look and how far I seek. It was as if it was written in the stars and engraved in the sands of time. She was the true one which I never had. All that was holding me back: a dire regret which I consider my biggest and only flaw in all years of life.

Would I forget such atrocity? The answer is no. The only hope I have, is to reveal such a pathetic conduct to her and hope for forgiveness beyond compare. Yet I would have soiled all my life's actions doing so. The lesson I fondly learn, is to never engulf one's ownself in regretful events. Such things will only lead to disaster, or worst, sorrow.

She still remains in my heart. Never has she left, no matter how hard I try to forget the times we had or to forgive myself. She still manages to skip my heartbeat whenever she comes to mind, a proof that no others has ever been like her. The future? I have no say. Time will only tell if such a thought I have now is true to both body and soul. All I have is hope for the path to brighten, faith for myself to be a better person, and love for that special one which has yet to come my way.

What drove me to write all this? An open mind.
What drove me to feel all this? An open heart.

Au revoir.
10.30PM