It Has Ended.

The end of the line. The worst fears were lived and fallen upon. The final curtain call.

Unheeding advice and harboring hope was the key. But I was led on a journey I shouldn't have been on. Kept on the wait for something that will eventually won't ever come. Taken on a ride.

It is faith and hope that led me here. As I tried each day to go on, the paranoia receded but so did the constant persistence to understand. I was in tolerance. But it could not be bourne for so long. And thus the conclusion in confrontation, to an answer I already knew but a risk I didn't mind to take. Nor did I have a choice.

And what a step it was, regardless of the outcome.

Two weeks from I could have done the same thing. Yet the words which were spoken would only cement the fact that the wait would not have meant anything but more distress for me. I don't deserve this. Not anymore. For once effort was made in such passion but it had all come to nought. If such is the case then neither effort nor nor effort will get me anywhere. The tide of two extremes has caused me nothing but endless pain.

Yes, I have been blinded, and taken for granted. Treated like any other person around, when I was never doing the same the other way. Now I know all I was was just a stepping stone to have beside. I am not the kind of guy who can live with that. Never will be. And I intend to stick to that to my grave. But what I have gone through now reminisce of a tragedy of ill-use, where one gives in all the sacrifices of life for another with nothing going the opposite direction.

I thought what we had was something special. Even when told there was no immediate future, the hope was always kindled by words. But action was never in line with anything said, no matter how much I trusted those words. I held on because I thought there was a future to hold on to. Now I know all this while, there wasn't. I was just kept to where I was for sakes I do not know of, nor do I now care about. I feel used, taken for granted, played out. The warning signs were evident. The freedom that is sought contradicts the compassion that is wanted. There is no such thing as the best of both worlds, but you never decided. Instead, you kept me on the hook, with false pretenses that one day you will reel it in and we could start something special. But well, I guess I was just another one of your pillars to rely on when others are not around. I wasn't anyone special, nor was I anyone, in your own words, that could be a boyfriend. Yet, you gave the impression I could. Yet, you gave hope with every passing glance. Yet, you held me there even when your actions threw me away. Was I some kind of boomerang you could toy with? Or am I a child so easily fooled by the empty promises? Never did I know you could do such things. But then again, I guess I do not know you that well. Never will I want to anymore.

When I looked into your eyes last night, I told you what I did, you looked away. I wonder why. Is there emotion? Or is there something you hide? Do you even know how much you mean to me for me to do the things I have done? I guess, the answers lie in you, and you alone.

I am beginning to think that I shall never find a true way of being myself for another. If there isn't any effort, truth be told there shouldn't be any results. Yet if there was so much of life and time put into something, but nothing were to come out of it, I shall remain silent in sadness and disappointment.

Is life that cruel to me? Or has time just played around with my being all this while? I have done, and will always do, my best to make someone feel so special. Is it that hard to grant something like that, to fill this void?

Love is a splendor. I thought I knew what love was about. But all I come to know was that I could want to love someone so much, but love would not exist if it was all just from me. No matter the words here, nor the words and actions which follow through these days, remember the words I said to you last night. Those three words will never lose its meaning for that moment in time.

Au revoir.